Finish Strong?

Who me?

Who even gets Covid in October 2022? That would be my family. Fabulous. NOT.

I have 3 more radiations left. I am THISCLOSE to the finish line (of this part). All I wanted to do was finish strong. I had a whole plan (ha, who does that?) that after the end date of radiation we’d go to Disneyland (and get covid). Now, as has become the custom, my plan has been thrown out.

Being sick and feeling this shitty has me remembering how bad chemo felt. There really is nothing like a little stupid cancer PTSD to get this stupid covid show on the road. This afternoon I opened the windows in my bedroom to give myself some fresh air (and to air out what I’m sure is a funk in here) and I was immediately struck with what to me smelled like the smell of the chemo phase. Something about the ripe room plus the smell of freshly trimmed grass triggered a memory. The smell of the beginning of cancer plus feeling like shit took me right back. I didn’t like that it. I felt so sad. I imagine I’ll have more of these moments as time goes on and now I’ll be the person using the world triggered non ironically.

So, new plan: Feel like shit for a few days (already doing that). Radiation will get pushed back to a new end date (boooooo). When both the covid and the radiation are over, Disneyland (wooooo!). As for my future relationship with plans, I think we are breaking up. I won’t be making plans from now on. I’m going to lean in to spontaneity instead.