Coin Toss

summer time is here

I did the scans. The mammogram and the ultrasound. The MRI.

Let’s discuss this briefly. The MRI. I’ve made a point to tell the MRI people that I’m claustrophobic so I usually go into an open MRI. Whatever that means. And I do drugs (prescribed by a doctor for MRIs). This time, the only way I could get an MRI in the time my doctors wanted me to was to do the closed MRI. The one for non claustrophobics. I said to the scheduler, “what’s the difference?” She said to me, “some people describe it as casket like.” WTF LADY. Choose your words more carefully please. Holy cow. So, after scheduling the closed scary words MRI and assuring my scheduler and myself that I’d be doing the drugs, I FaceTime my best of the bests bestie. “You will not believe what this lady said to me. Have you gone in one of these? Google it for me. You know I can’t be googling that shit.” She reassured me that I am not to be a fool and after a quick google, she explained the difference. Folks, it’s not much. Also, I go in eyes closed face down and ON DRUGS so what was I thinking it mattered at all? It was a lovely experience, kind if fun, like being on a weird non moving roller coaster.

Now I’ve done all my scans and reported that news to my doctors and today at 2 ish we’ll get some doctor thoughts. So, whatever they say, right now it feels like a coin toss to me. Either I’ll have more chemo, or I won’t. Whatever, I can do it. I CAN do it. Whatever IT is.