Cancer Sucks

Try not to get cancer.

Surgery is a beast to recover from. Grateful to everyone who is helping with that. I still feel rather wretched. Sleeping is hard. Getting dressed is hard. The scars are gross. I am uncomfortable.

And in other cancer fucking sucks news, the 14 rounds of chemo did a great job getting rid of some of the cancer, but a shit job at getting rid of all of the cancer. Today I met with my oncologist, and he had mostly terrible things to tell me. The issue is residual cancer.

So, chemo starts again July 26.

I had been warned about the residual cancer by my surgeon, but hearing the actual new chemo plan today took the actual wind out of me. I am absolutely distraught over the news, as it means that a) chemo starts again b) I can’t work anytime soon c) the eyebrows and other hairs that have been growing back are going to fall out AGAIN and d) my anniversary trip is cancelled. So, if you’re keeping score, this type of chemo has sent me to the hospital twice now and I am terrified of more of it. I haven’t worked since 2014 and I REALLY REALLY want to, but still can not. We started chemo on mine and Adam’s birthdays and we’re gonna start again just in time for our anniversary. And as for my hair, it takes about 2.5 months to regain whispers of eyebrows and now, bye again. My hair coming back is a big deal, and now it’s just…not coming back anytime soon. I am over looking like Shrek. I’m just, not ok.

In more shitty cancer news, I was also informed today that after these 2 rounds of chemo and then the 8 weeks of radiation and crispy skin, I get to do pill chemo at home. Twice a day. For 6 months. Main side effects: diarrhea and red, painful hands and feet.

Fuck you cancer. Big time. Fuck you. FUCK YOU.

I am still very DTF (down to fight) but this news hit super hard and I am not going to fake how it makes me feel. Sad. Angry. Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. Angry. Sad sad sad sad sad. Upset. Sad. Angry. Sad sad. Sad sad sad.

Cancer. Fucking. Sucks.